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She tried to shrug it off at first, then blame it on something going around the office but after several months Dad forced her to go to the doctor. He sent her to see a specialist and three months later she was in the hospital for chemo. She saw me turn fourteen but it was from her bed. It was difficult for her to talk but nothing could wipe that smile and the look of pride off her face.She died a couple of weeks later. She made me promise that Rocky and I would watch over Dad. He came in the room, then Mom told me she needed to talk to him privately. That was the last time I saw her.When it happened, Dad came out after being alone with her for over a half an hour. He was crying and it was obvious he had been for quite a while. "She's gone, Honey," he told me.We stood there holding each other, giving what little comfort we could provide. We had been a group of three for the past seven years. I was the one who was supposed to grow up and leave the family, although none of us had been. Sometimes I feel like I walked down a staircase into a pit, one small step at a time. When I turned around the steps were gone and I was stuck in the pit" So you realize you have gone to a place where you are not happy and you need help to get out?" Yes, I feel overwhelmed and sometimes feel like it may just be easier to let it all go and walk away. The issue is do I start over or not at all."I guess that meant suicide."Mom, I have seen some of the things you have done. I know you don't flaunt them but sometimes it is hard to keep secrets when we live under the same roof. I know you do or have done drugs. I know that you live a swinger's lifestyle. I know you drink excessively. I know that Dad sleeps with other women. What if any of those things do you want to change? Or is there something else?" I thought you may have seen some of those things and I guess I knew but since you didn't say anything, I didn't either. That is probably the biggest reason we have grown apart, because I am.
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